Don’t stand so close to me, unless we’re sweating

“Am I really that invisible?”

This is a phrase I’ve been known to use on my grumpier days in Nairobi, when yet another person has completely invaded my space, is breathing down my neck, and is trying to put his/her purchases down before I’ve finished placing mine in the grocery store check-out line.

It’s not that they mean to be rude, and it’s not that I’m slow to take care of my purchases. It’s just that many Kenyans have a different concept of personal space when it comes to standing in a queue.

In the US and Europe, there’s an accepted social distance from the customer in front of you. Peering over their shoulder (literally) to look at their money is pretty much taboo. Lots of stores have plastic separators to help delineate one person’s buys from another. Better yet, many increasingly use the method of having everyone wait at some distance until a checkout spot is free.

Here in Kenya, there are no such provisions, or expectations – though our local Toyota dealership does have a discrete sign by the cashier window asking people to “kindly” stand back while the person in front is paying. Still, in most cases it takes pointy elbows, and no small measure of insistence, to get any private space at all when it’s your turn at the till.

Personal space zones and concepts of acceptable social distances vary widely across cultures, as demonstrated by a study published several months back in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology by Agnieszka Sorokowska (and 50+ co-authors). The researchers were not the first to consider the question of “how close is too close” around the world – indeed there’s a whole science devoted to it called proxemics. But theirs was by far the most expansive study to date. The research was conducted in 42 countries across the Americas, Europe, Asia, and for the first time, Africa. Some 9,000 people were surveyed. Each was asked to use a simple illustration and graph to indicate appropriate social distances from three types of people: 1. a stranger, 2. an acquaintance, and 3. an intimate.

Not surprisingly, people all over the world indicated a preference for keeping more distance from people they didn’t know compared to those they knew well. In fact, the difference was about double. But the comfort zones varied greatly across societies, as shown in the table below. 

Source: Preferred Interpersonal Distances: A Global Comparison. Agnieszka Sorokowska, Piotr Sorokowski, Peter Hilpert, et al. First Published March 22, 2017 Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology Volume: 48 issue: 4, page(s): 577-592

Generally speaking, the study upheld a common view that people in warmer climates allow closer interactions. But the country-by-country comparisons revealed a picture that was both richer and more complex.

Take Norway. Though it’s climate can hardly be termed as warm, the country rated in the middle for social distance comfort levels with strangers. As for dealing with acquaintances and intimates, the Norwegians got down right cozy. Maybe it’s a way of coping with cold, long winters.

The sunny cultures of Italy, Greece, and Spain, reflected a Mediterranean acceptance of more closeness than lots of countries. Yet all three rated slightly below the more stoic cultures of Austria and Russia. Meanwhile, in Romania, a country with strong Latin influences in its language and culture, the expectation seemed to be that strangers, and even acquaintances, had better keep their distance.

Along with cultural variations, the study revealed strong gender and age differences regarding physical comfort zones. By and large, women preferred more distance than did men when it came to interacting with strangers, and older people were more stand-offish than younger ones.

Interestingly, people in Kenya reported favoring more personal and social distance than those in lots of other countries. Warm climatic conditions notwithstanding, Kenyan culture can indeed appear somewhat cold and formal, particularly compared to Western African cultures, for example. But when it comes to standing in line, other forces (e.g., impatience, vying for social dominance) take over, social distance be damned.

That said, in my anecdotal experience, there is lots of warmth and closeness in Kenyan culture – even towards a mzungu outsider like me. And in the right circumstances, getting close to people you don’t or barely know can be just fine.

I practice a lot of yoga here in Nairobi, primarily with the Africa Yoga Project. Most Saturdays, I join the free community class that takes place from 10am to noon. It is meant as an opportunity for teachers and visitors to lead a large class, and every week it draws some 300 participants, from diverse nationalities and walks of life.

The workout is great – loud, friendly, and intensely sweat-inducing. Though the studio is big, mats are closely placed one right next to the other to make room for everyone. Notions of personal space become very fluid and unimportant.

Photo: Africa Yoga Project

Any movement that requires reaching out laterally means either touching your neighbor or staggering yourselves to make space. Most teachers and participants embrace the proximity, turning balances and backbends into group activities. Airplane poses becomes close knit squadrons, as sweaty arms support sweaty bodies. 

The studio is a place filled with laughter, grunts, and hugs. The lack of personal space means there’s little room for pretentiousness – which in this case is quite liberating.

Photo: Africa Yoga Project

Definitions of personal space are clearly quite relative. Proximity can be invasive. But sometimes, breaking the barrier of personal space makes room for new connections. Sweating together is clearly a great way to break the ice of personal barriers. And while I may not be ready to give up defending my private space at the check-out line, maybe it’s the humanity of being brought together by such a common act as buying groceries that matters more. 

Photo: Africa Yoga Project