Pole pole

Sign cautioning drivers to go slowly

Though many things may look and seem familiar, when you are a stranger in a strange land, there are often subtle differences in the way things work or happen. And you quickly find out that even if the local way of doing things seems inefficient or strange, that’s just the way it’s going to be. Generally speaking, you’re not going to change it. Instead, it’s you who will have to change. You’ll have to adjust your expectations, shift your attitude, and learn to be flexible.

You will also learn to be patient. Patient with the unexpected, patient with jams and hurdles, patient with a slower pace, and patient with yourself.

In these moments, I fall back on one of the few Swahili expressions I know, “pole pole.” Pronounced poe-lay poe-lay, it means slowly, slowly. Just saying it can have a soothing effect and give you the momentary pause needed to take a breath and take stock of the need to be flexible and go with the flow.

Pole pole is actually part of a longer saying that goes like this: “Pole pole ndio mwendo, haraka, haraka haina Baraka.” It means, “slowly, slowly indeed we go, hurry, hurry has no blessings.”

This is not to say there aren’t times when faster, faster would be better. Here in Nairobi, you can literally sit for hours in stuck traffic or wait endlessly for service. Standing in line can feel like a national pastime, and even things that are designed to be automated can backfire and require multiple approvals, phone calls, or visits to customer service.

But to me, pole pole is more about frame of mind.

As a working mother with young children, I spent years saying, “hurry, hurry – c’mon, c’mon.” And I remember the day it came to a peak when I nearly collided with another working mom.  We were both dashing up the elementary school steps from opposite directions to pick up our children in their afterschool program. Reaching the top, we looked at each other, stopped for an instant, and laughed. I said, “don’t you feel like you are always running”? And she answered, “yes, and that no matter what you do, you are always running late!”

In those days, my annual New Year’s resolution was always the same: not to drive through yellow traffic lights. We lived in Washington, DC, where the common practice was to charge on through them. So, I was at risk of being rear-ended for stopping when the light was yellow. But it wasn’t really about traffic rules, or being a good doobie. It was about reminding myself to slow down, in a life and a city where everything was, “hurry, hurry.”

Now in Nairobi, we live a life of many privileges, but also one that requires patience and cool heels. Getting things done is a multi-step process Power outages are frequent, and Wi-Fi connection is sporadic. The roof leaks. We’ve had rats in the attic, bats in the stairs, and monkey pee on our living room floor. And we encounter frequent communication barriers that come from speaking the same language (English) different ways.

But little by little we learn. Pole pole we make our way, and are far better for having taken the time to do so.